Dear Dad

Dear Dad,
Days recently have been rocky and honestly, without a tangible reason. I just feel so out of sync and very alone with myself. There's a missing piece, though I know the empty hole lies within me. I've actually been avoiding writing for a couple of days because I'd have to think about it and what's wrong, forcing my fingers down the pocket walls of me in an effort to somehow try to process at least a portion of it. The truth is that I really don't want to deal with it. I'm out of touch with most everything and everyone because I'm not participating in life in general lately, therefore there's no real exchange with others. I was reading a lot a few months before you left and remember from one of the books, the idea of participating...in life and with people. I have tried to fake it a little and the conversations that I really don't want to be having but am blindly talking through anyway. However, I know they come off as nothing more than numb because there's no real and honest energy behind them. You know it sort of hurts my heart, but I can talk to you so much more freely in these letters than I was ever able to while you where here. Maybe because there's the doubt sprinkling part of me that says that says they're just private ideas and that you're not really seeing them or know of their existance. Yet another, tells me that you're aware of every word. I just wish that you could tell me what to do...if there's any guidance that you can give me from where you are are, the believer in me...of you, is listening.

-Tiff